Did the Magi Wear Mullets?

Another Christmas post from last year that I need to resize and repost. Here it is, and have a very mullet Christmas!

Original: BIG QUESTION this Christmas:

Were the Magi wearing mullets under their hats?

Did the wise men from the east wear bi-level haircuts when they found the infant Jesus?

Were the dudes bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh sporting a hairstyle that was, as David Spade would say,  "all business at the front and party at the back"?

I think YES! The Magi TOTALLY had mullets! And artists through the centuries have given witness.

3Mulletswisemen

But don't just believe the artists. Bi-level hairstyles mullets were the preferred choice of Persian aristocracy and the wise men were representing the King of Persia. Makes perfect sense.

"Magi", btw, is a Persian word that once defined the priestly class of Zoroastrian spiritual leaders who followed and added to the writings of Zoroaster. Later on it was used more broadly for other Persian religious leaders and mystical teachers. But the origin of the word certainly points to Persia. And Persia points to mullets for the upper class. Or in other words, anyone who was anyone in ancient Persia would not be seen dead without a mullet adorning their head.

Gasparhadamullet-2

Ahhh, you say! Perhaps not! Since the Magi were Zoroastrian priests, their hairstyles may have been quite different to that of Persian royalty and aristocracy?

But, after stroking my chin and complimenting you on your academic prowlness, as well as your amazing google dexterity, I would counter your argument with this:

"Hah!!!"

And when you had gotten up off the floor, and composed yourself, I would add that the Magi who visited Jesus were not probably not strictly Zoroastrian. The true Zoroastrians were expecting a Saoshyant [world redeemer] born of a virgin in Persia, not one in Palestine. Not only that but by the time the Zoroastrian Avesta (holy writings] had been completed, there were prophecies that spoke of not just one but three distinct Saoshyants, all born of a virgin, and all born by a certain Iranian river.

Saoshyant, yes. And its amazing how many world religions had an inkling of the Redeemer's birth before it happened. But Jesus was born in a shed by the inn, not in a cara-van down by the river. (sorry – Chris Farley joke)

King Darius Of Persia SmBesides that, even being purely Zorastrian would not discount the idea that the wise men wore mullets. King Darius the Great was both a Persian king AND a devout Zoroastrian – a worshipper of "AhuraMazda" [Lord Mazda] – and his hair was longer than Billy Ray Cyrus.

Its hard to make out exactly how short Darius's hair was on top, since he was usually pictured wearing a royal headpiece. However, judging by the statues of Darius, I am quite certain that when he took his off headgear to let down his long braided hair, he would have boasted a mullet that would win trophies at the local tractor show!

Magiwithmullets-1

Also, the type of gifts given to Jesus by the Magi were the type of gifts typically given to kings. It seems obvious that these wise men were both spiritual and governmental leaders, representing their King and most likely wearing the kind of clothes and hairstyle [ie – MULLETS!] that their King would expect from his ambassadors.

So yes, the Magi wore mullets. Friggin' "A" they wore mullets . . . and you can quote me on that! Hope this contributes a little towards a red-neck theology and that it inspires a new line of Christmas cards from Hallmark – cards that the rest of us can appreciate. Have a very Mullet Christmas!

Mulletchristmas

This blog post is dedicated to Steve Camp – musician, reformer, blogger, and former mullet champion.

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Andrew

Andrew Jones has been blogging since 1997. He is based in San Francisco with his two daughters but also travels the globe to find compelling stories of early stage entrepreneurs changing their world. Sometimes he talks in the third person. Sometimes he even talks to himself and has been heard uttering the name "Precious" :-)

24 Comments

  • Are you saying then that the Mullet has spiritual supremacy over the postmodern soul patch? I can see the postings now – the Missional Mullet Man. Once again, another topic that’s off limit to us chicks. 😀

  • Oh My Andrew…. This is honestly the Best post ever!!!! I love your way of teaching… and since I actually reside in the heart of mullet and red neck country (there are fried gizzard shops everywhere here) I truly appreciate this humor.
    Much Love

  • Steve Camp Mullet Champion? A mullet, yes. A mullet champion, no. Not in 1985 and not even now. It was kind of you to dedicate the blogpost though. My nomination for current Mullet Supreme Champion? Dog-The Bounty Hunter-Chapman. Oh yeh!

  • Andrew, I am certain that evidence was uncovered that noted the French influences on the modern term *mullet,* meaning it should actually be pronounced as moo-LAY and perhaps spelled *mullete* (with some of them fancy euro-accents, including a pointy cap over the first e and a grave accent over the final e). Of course, this means that there is a secret link between the Templars and the mullet … ummm … mullete. Time to call in Dan Brown and his posse for the detective work. The end.
    P.S. Well, almost the end. So, is it possible that all mullets/mulletes are still one month away from perfection? Just askin’ …

  • Oh Brad this rabbit hole just keep getting deeper!
    When Neo and crew get jacked into the Matrix, bingo! – instant mullet!!!
    I’m sure the Wachowski’s were really saying: only when you have a mullet can you see ‘what IT is.’
    (And good news Becky, Trinity & the girls could jack in to the Mulletrix just as well as the boys. As proven for all time by Kylie & Jason’s unsurpassed mullet competition!)

  • Andrew… Great post – fun! But oh man – reliving the 80’s. :-).
    However, I do agree with another commenter here, I don’t think I should be given the honor of being “mullet champion.” I mean, my friend Steven Curtis Chapman had a pretty mean mullet too.
    But, IMHO, my vote as well would go to the undisputed champion of all mullets past and future to Dog the Bounty Hunter.
    Crazy…
    Steve
    PS – Do think mullets are biblical or just cultural? Can a mullet be used in the contextualization of the gospel? If the mullet resurfaced as acceptable coiffure, would it be considered emerging or emergent? Is the mullet the visible sign of drifting into postmodernity?

  • hey – be careful. steve is commenting in this thread and he might write a nasty song about you.
    well Steve – maybe you didnt win trophies but at least you championed the wearing of mullets among the Christian population.
    If the mullet resurfaced in the USA evangelical scene, i would see it as a good sign that:
    1. new believers with mullets are not assimilated into a generic bland Christian sub-culture but rather have freedom to express their individuality
    2. if mullets are a sign of the working poor and blue collar, [partially true for usa but not uk where mullets are often a sign of retrocentric chic] then more mullets in the church would show that the movement is resisting what John Wesley called “redemptive lift” [the upward mobility of new believers which eventually stops the movement] and instead allowing the church to receive and disciple the working poor without forcing them to change their cultural preferences and thus alienate their existing friends.
    3. mullets among key evangelical leaders would be a welcome sign that you dont have to look like a business executive and have little boy hair-cuts to go places in church circles.
    in short, mullets would be a healthy sign. And since the new movements of Christian mission are often emerging among the working poor, I would expect to see mullets in an emerging church setting.
    good questions. if i get time i will answer the other ones.

  • Mullets…a “healthy sign”….!??! Mullets are wrong, just wrong. A sign of a misguided hair dresser/barber…I mean come on?! Really! A mullet…run screaming the other way people…run or rather, I guess the proper response would be love the person, not the hair… 🙂

  • Nice. I think that you should have written this in your classic “Princess Bride” style, harkening to the questioning of Vizzini. I just started going there. THAT was your BEST.POST.EVER.
    As for the mullet, could it have been the style among the disciples? Jesus? Paul? What if . . .

  • Mark
    Forget the hair… Steve’s jacket looks like it could have been worn by one of the Magi!
    That’s really great… classic! I always knew that jacket was a bit over the line.
    Steve

  • Hey Steve… i always loved your music… it was something that touched my heart and what i needed during that time during the 80’s- since your reading the thread.. thought you might like to know… Blessings!

  • Okay, what about us former mulleteers who have been betrayed by time and hairlines? Are we to be put out to pasture if the mullet returns outside of the tractor-pull WWE subculture?!? 🙂

  • Andrew, you’re kooky and we love ya–this made our day. I’m sure a good case could be drawn up for a tradition of Mary having a wild time with hairspray and curling irons. Those early fixatives were so primitive they had to wear head coverings in order to prevent things sticking to them.

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