In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, I was just thinking up some ideas for my session at GodblogCon in a few weeks when I teach on the missional church in the internet age. You might be a faith blogger, I was thinking . .
IF . . .
– if you sit in the back row of the church because thats where the wifi signal is the strongest
– if your sermons allow both comments and trackbacks
– if you tithe through a widget
– if you think committing the original sin is getting tempted by the latest Apple
– if you pray that God will allow you to upload your photo to the Lamb’s Book of Life
– if your prayers are less than 140 characters because thats all Twitter allows
– if you ever wonder why the domain of Satan doesn’t have its own URL
– if you think Jesus’ command to Peter to “Feed my sheep” was to allow RSS syndication
– if you think streams in the desert is a blog from Las Vegas
. . . then you just might be a faith-blogger!
Now thats funny! I don’t care who you are! But now its your turn to throw me a bone. If you add your own faith blogger joke in the comments, I might even use it in Las Vegas at GodBlogCon, which is part of the larger BlogWorldExpo.
Related on TSK: Interview for GodblogCon
GodBlogCon 2008 – I got invited to speak
BlogWorldExpo – I am going
If you think the Shekhinah is God’s tag cloud.
…if you think your bobblehead Jesus smiles when HE likes a post.
…if you think your “Balm of Gilead a Healing Oil” will bring God’s anointing if applied to the edges of your monitor.
If in your prayers of confession to God, you use the words “delete” or “empty trash”
…if you think hat tipping a fellow faith blogger is the same as greeting each other with a holy kiss.
…if you add non-christian links in your blog roll just to seem more open minded.
…if you give blog posts to your pastor for sermon ideas.
If you think the hymn “When the Roll is Called up Yonder” is referring to HYPERTEXT LINKS rather than people’s names . . .
if there is a dip in your web site stats on Sundays.
if you need to use a “prayer lava lamp” to connect to God.
If your copy of the Scriptures is only accessible when the internet is connected.
if you constantly apologize for not updating your blog.
if you have live blogged a conference
if you talk about sociology, politics, art etc to make your blog more well rounded
if you are controversial
Your prayer requests include software fixes and upgrades.
You offered praise to the Mac gods when the I-phone was released with continual praise offerings whenever an upgrade is made available.
You IM the people blogging with you at the conference instead of chatting face-to-face.
You close off comments when your blog gets overheated
You blog on Sunday instead of going to church
– if you have enough Facebook friends to constitute a denomination
(a correction:)
– if you pray that God will allow you to upload your photo to the Lamb’s Facebook of Life
Your “prayer closet” doubles as your wired network hub.
If you describe your theological viewpoints by using “Friend of…” badges not apologetic arguments.
If you pray each day…
Our Father in the blogosphere,
Tagged be your name,
Your Technorati profile rise and
Your posts be pinged,
in Plurk as in Twitter.
give us today our daily security patch,
forgive us our typos as we forgive those whose typos offend us,
save us from the down time,
and deliver us from bundling,
For the Web, the bitrate and the profile are yours,
for ever and ever.
Digit.
– You’re certain that “the second coming” has something to do with Web 2.0
– You think the hymn “What A Friend We Have in Jesus” has something to do with Facebook
– When preparing a sermon, you make references to html and css, instead of Greek and Hebrew
This is similar to another on your list:
– you think that the feeding of the 5,000 refers to your RSS reader.
yeah . . . feed the wURLd!
and if you think that Nehemiah was erecting a firewall . .
and if you think Moses came down from the mountain with two Tablets because he couldnt get a signal . .
In an effort to be more like Jesus, you go around saying to people, “Follow me,” but this is really just a reference to Twitter.
if you think commenting on TSK Blog is the same as translating in the spirit.
if you think spending time reading commentary sermons = fellowship.
if you lay hands on your computer to rebuke demon viruses.
if you awake at 3AM with the overwhelming sense that the prophetic dream you just had – must immediately be posted.
if you have a prayer wall on your blog.
if you think “the dark night of the soul” means your internet connection is down.
… you choose church based on 3g signal.
… you have considered taking your dead/dying laptop/phone/mp3 player to a rival meeting to get healed.
… you think Balaam’s Donkey has nothing on your Nabaztag rabbit.
…you mentally hit “Publish” upon completion of a prayer.
Oh man, this is a great post…
I’m thinking of a few.
. . . if you refuse to optimize images for Christian websites because the hymn says
“Lift high the royal banner,
it must not suffer loss” . . .
… the parable of the sower spurs you on to keep you torrent client open just that little longer than usual
did you say torrent? Now thats funny!
If you mistake Jesus’ words in red in your Bible for a hyperlink (and can’t figure out how to click on them.)
When people at church on Sunday ask how your week was, you tell them to read Saturday’s post on your blog.
Problem is, they’re older people who don’t even own a computer.
That was great, I had a good chuckle.
If you refer to prayers TO God as uploading, and His answers as Downloads! (well that would be a tribe thing too…. 😉
– if you think just as the Old Covenant was replaced with the New, so DOS was replaced with Windows.
– if you think scheduled posting is the equivalent to prophesy.
– if you use your firewall to detect internet Sibboleths.
If you post a prayer on your blog, then get a group to skype together to pray about it.
Excuse me for the advertisement:
http://whatisyourfaith.blogspot.com/